Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
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10:37 am
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Happy Birthday to my favorite twins (you still are, by the way) Ellen and Alexi! I Miss you guys and hope you have a great day! <3
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Wednesday, February 18th, 2009
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3:06 pm
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i'm so discouraged.
i wish i could have kept count of how many resumes and applications i've sent in.
there's no doubt it would be in the hundreds.
and it's ridiculous.
i have a college degree.
i don't get it.
i don't even know what to do anymore.
i have no money.
not enough to pay bills and rent for next month.
so i don't know what to do.
i've tried trusting Him and believing it will all work out...
but it's not.
i just may end up joining the military.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, December 1st, 2008
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11:23 am - because i'm going to decorate my christmas tree today....
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Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
def not egg nog. i like hot chocolate but i'd prefer coffee or hot apple cider.
Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
usually they're all wrapped. when i was a kid the good stuff was always unwrapped with a big bow on it.
Colored lights on tree/house or white?
my parents always do colored lights on the tree and those big funky colored ones on the house. growing up my mom always did white ones on the tree. on my tree this year i think i'm gonna do white and purple.
Do you hang mistletoe?
not usually, but i might this year. who knows.
When do you put your decorations up?
today hopefully!
What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
i like when we have mexican food for christmas, we only do it every 2 or 3 years though. but when we do...the tamales are my fave!
Favorite holiday memory as a child:
waking up really early and waking my mom up to open presents.
When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
i honestly don't remember. i think i must have been pretty young cuz i would always ask my mom what "santa" got me and we'd joke about it.
Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
yeah always one. and rob, you're right. it's always a lame one.
How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
at my parents' house it's a lot of hallmark ornaments from movies and tv (lots of disney, wizard of oz, i love lucy, star trek and star wars). on my tree this year i have to make sure everything is cat-safe and unbreakable cuz i'm expecting chandler to climb up and/or knock the tree over.
Snow! Love it or Dread it?
it doesn't snow here. but i don't hate it...maybe cuz i don't have to deal with it ever.
Can you ice skate?
i can ice fall.
Do you remember your favorite gift?
i dunno. i always got whatever barbie thing i wanted or littlest pet shop. i never got a puppy or anything. that probably woulda been my favorite.
What is the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
family time i guess.
What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
granny cookies. (rob i'm gonna send you some cuz you have to try them!)
What is your favorite holiday tradition?
going to the movies with my parents on xmas eve.
What tops your tree?
usually an angel. i don't think i'll find one i like this year so probably a star.
Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
giving probably.
What is your favorite Christmas Song?
oi! to the world by no doubt, my only wish this year by britney spears, blue christmas by elvis, and of course all i want for christmas is you by mariah
What do you want for Christmas?
i have a list on amazon of a pair of boots, books and a blender.
Do you attend an annual Christmas Party?
not usually. i've gone to a couple company parties before. and we started an annual christmas dinner with my sunglass hut friends.
Do you dress up on Christmas or wear PJs?
pj's in the morning and then comfy clothes for when the rest of the family comes over.
Do you own a santa hat?
i do. but i only wear it for like 5 mins when i'm decorating my parents' house.
Who do you normally spend Christmas with?
just the parents on christmas eve and christmas morning. christmas day the rest of the family comes over for more food and presents.
current mood:  cheerful
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Thursday, May 1st, 2008
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6:55 pm - it's not over tonight...
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lately i've been exhausted.
but i haven't worked out in over a week, so i guess that does it.
kinda strange.
i feel like my friends have kinda been ditching me out.
like i'll ask to hang out and they just can't or they'll make plans without me.
which is fine.
just kinda feel lonely.
it kinda sucks not having a best friend.
but there isn't a particular boy in my life.
usually when there is, i guess i have someone to talk to.
and think about.
but it seems they always fade away.
which is fine, too.
i'm ok alone though.
i really am.
right now the only thing i'd really change in my life is the job.
current mood:  okay
current music: maroon 5
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(comment on this)
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Monday, January 21st, 2008
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11:07 pm - this is how it works:you're young until you're not,you love until you don't,you try until you can't
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i think i need a running buddy or something.
maybe i just need to go to the gym and realize that it's not that bad.
but i don't run after work because it's too dark and i don't want to go by myself
and i don't run before work because it's too cold and too early.
today when i was driving home i saw 2 people running in the rain
now that's dedication.
i read Skinny Bitch which i had NO idea was a book about becoming vegan before i bought it. but i read it anyways.
meat is kinda scary, and i really am contemplating becoming a vegetarian and if i can stand that, i'll go vegan. i just don't know if i have the dedication.
i dunno if i believe in it enough to make that big of a lifestyle change.
it's kinda crazy, but meat seems so normal. i've been eating it ALL my life, but even tonight i found myself not wanting to eat the chicken chunks in my chicken noodle soup. they really kinda grossed me out so i gave them to my cat. and even thinking that cheese and eggs come from animals...i dunno that kinda grosses me out too. so there could be a big change in the making. we'll see though. i need to try some vegan food and see if i could stand it. and i really don't want to be a follower. it's not really about that. but just reading about what those animals go through, it's pretty awful. and then i think that they have all the brains/feelings that my cat does. and i would never eat him....i dunno. i'm still working it out in my head. i need more info though. i do love eating fish and seafood though. and i don't really think of them as friendly animals, they seem to fall more into the gross animal category. and they taste so good. i dunno though. we'll see.
by the end of the week i should be at -15 pounds (!)
but.....no news on any jobs yet. i seriously need that part to work out. i so need to move on from sgh. sunglasses aren't what i want to be doing.
and there could possibly be romance on the horizon....don't know for sure yet though.
and new resolutions that are just a little late in the month....
i'm going to get way better at spanish--and actually use it! AND i want to learn french. lately i've fallen in love with the language. i think it's absolutely beautiful and i want to learn it.
hope you guys are good.
:)
you laugh until you cry, you cry until you laugh, and everyone must breathe until their dying breath
current mood: chipper
current music: regina spektor
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Wednesday, December 12th, 2007
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10:01 pm - the sun will never shine the same
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i guess i took today off for a reason.
i thought i would be a basketcase at work.
and i knew it...even yesterday i was thinking about how awful today would be...but now today's almost over and i didn't even think about it once.
until i saw the date.
10 years.
i can't believe she's been gone that long.
i can't believe i've survived a whole decade without her.
i don't know how i did it.
i really do miss her so much.
i always think there's so many things in my life i want her to see.
so many things she's missed...will miss.
lately i've been thinking about kids...i don't think i want them, but then i kinda do.
one will have her name. maybe her maiden name as a middle name. Gray. kinda a cute middle name.
it's always weird to celebrate my dad's birthday one day...and the next day remember that i lost my mom. i hate that those days are right next to each other.
i need a hug.
maybe someone to kiss the tears away too.
and sometimes i think he's the only one that ever understood what losing her felt like.
not that i miss him...well not all the time...every once and a while i kinda do though.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, October 16th, 2007
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10:27 am - dear prudence...
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the sun is up
the sky is blue
it's beautiful
and so are you...
the other day i was standing outside of my store, and it was one of those days that had rained so i was kinda bundled up a little. boots, leggings, dress, sweater. not sexy or revealing at all. hah. and i was just chillin there minding my own business watching people walk by and this guy came up to me. not an ugly guy, but not really my type either. kinda bro-ish. but he just walked up and said "you are beautiful, have a great day" and walked away. it kinda made my day. cuz he wasn't creepy or anything. didn't want anything from me either. just wanted to tell me how beautiful he thought i was. it was so flattering. and it's always nice to hear it. even if most of the time i don't believe it.
kinda random weird people have been telling me i'm cute/pretty all week. one day a disabled older guy came in to the store and said i was so pretty and asked if he could give me his number. i told him i had a boyfriend. and he said something like "say no more, that's where i stop." it was so sweet. and then a 50ish customer told me something along the same lines. that one was a little creepy though.
another random day i was at target (which is how i spend so many random days) and i had gone shopping in the mall before so i had a few bags in my cart. i found this placemat that was on sale (needed it for my cat) so i put it in my basket and then i got all this other stuff. after i paid and went to my car i realized that the placemat was under my bags and i didn't pay for it. it was on sale for 98 cents. i couldn't get myself to just keep it. so i went back inside and paid $1.06 for it. kinda lame. but i felt so guilty. i don't understand how people can steal. it's ridiculous. at least once or twice a week my store gets stolen from...glasses that are worth $200-$400. and i'm not even comfortable with accidentally stealing $1 worth of stuff. i think that's really a good thing.
i had inventory the other day and that was kinda weird. never done it before. and probably won't do it again. i am sooo finding another job before february. that's my cut off. i'll get through the holidays and then just apply like crazy for jobs all january. i really do need a different job. something that pays super well that i absolutely love. hah.
i think i'm gonna wait on the condo thing. we'll see. i just can't rush something like that. and it's a lot of money. so i'm going to get my own apartment. somewhere in OC. i'm thinking anaheim or fullerton. probably in december. house-warming/holiday party!
this week should be fun, maybe taco tuesday tonight, knotts scary farm tomorrow, thursday jimmy eat world (hopefully), friday fashion week in LA!
my life is too busy for romance. good thing too, cuz it's not like i'm capable of letting anyone get close :/
current mood: kinda blah kinda okay.
current music: b e a t l e s
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Friday, September 28th, 2007
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1:19 pm - it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun...
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even if it's alone.
so i just updated my resume.
i have the next 3 months to get the following things in order:
new job
new home (possibly buying a condo if not then a new apartment)
-in a new city (most likely somewhere in LA)
new roommate(s)
new pet (probably the soonest out of all of them)
new car (probably the last if my car can make it)
new friends?
jk i like the ones i have now.
it's just scary.
like it would be sooo different if it was just one of the things, but all of them?
ugh.
good thing i'm not ready to date...i think.
i wouldn't have time for the poor guy.
so i'm just gonna focus on those things right now.
and have fun with the people i love.
and try to be happy.
current mood:  anxious
current music: was listening to the format...now a fine frenzy
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(comment on this)
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Friday, September 21st, 2007
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5:53 pm - goodbye my almost lover...
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i heard this song today, and i swear it's like i wrote it.
the words hit me so hard.
it's ridiculous how music can do that to you.
i think i've even used the words "almost lover".
strange.
her voice is beautiful too.
it's real, not perfect.
and that's why it's so amazing.
i fell down the stairs today.
afterwards i was thinking that i'm at the age where i just have to pick myself up.
my parents aren't really there to help me anymore.
and i don't necessarily mean in a literal sense of falling on the floor.
more like a figurative falling, like mistakes or wrong decisions.
sooo many of my friends still live with their parents or are still mostly supported by them.
i'm not really.
in a sense it's liberating to know that i'm on my own.
at the same time it's scary.
i know that if i needed them for something they would be there. probably.
but i also think that i'm at the point where i shouldn't need them anymore.
and that's kinda what i felt today.
when i fall i have to pick myself up.
it really hurt too.
and i wanted to cry but i couldn't.
i don't know why i can't cry lately.
i feel different.
it's hard to explain.
but i just feel like i'm not the same person.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: almost lover. a fine frenzy.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 19th, 2007
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12:18 am
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i don't like being stood up.
:/
awful end to the worst day.
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(comment on this)
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Monday, September 17th, 2007
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11:38 pm - today will be a better one...
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so...it's been months since i've cried.
it's so weird.
i feel like anything is going to push me over the edge.
today i almost did, but i held it in.
i wish i understood myself and others more.
i just have a hard time figuring out how i feel.
and how to deal with other people.
doesn't make sense, but it kinda did to me.
i think i'm at a point where i'm realizing who my real friends are.
it sucks to lose friends to boyfriends, distance, business, or life.
i think if they're your friends you make time for them no matter what.
but that's just me.
apparently everyone doesn't feel that way.
such is life.
on a different note...
i feel like i'm stuck.
and i don't know what to do.
i want to start my career.
i want to do things that excite me and make me want to go to work.
but i can't really leave before the holidays.
and i make a lot to just walk away.
i guess i could leave before the holidays...
i dunno. i'd feel bad though.
whatever, guess i just need to do what makes me happy.
<3
current music: stars.
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Monday, September 10th, 2007
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8:55 pm - go on and lose it...
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my birthday was ok.
friends made it better.
it's weird i went through this whole "omg, i'm 23, i'm so old" thing.
and i still kinda feel like it...but there's nothing i can do about it so i just gotta be ok with it.
this year is the last year i'll do two nights of partying.
way too messed up the night before my birthday and then i was too sick to enjoy my actual birthday day.
friends who pretend they're your friends suck.
why would you leave someone totally wasted to go make out with a guy?
ugh awful.
and why did i even say happy birthday to him?
and he couldn't have the courtesy to text me or anything.
it's only 2 days after, there's no way he could forget.
and he's known it was that day for like almost 4 years.
bastard.
and then that other one.
ugh he makes me mad.
but i'll still go to rocket summer with him for freeeeee.
and you.
i'm trying. i really am.
i send you IMs all the time.
i'm sorry i didn't answer at midnight.
i had to open, i know lame excuse according to you, but i was tired.
and sleeping.
and didn't hear it.
and i think you shouldn't drive drunk anymore.
it's an awful thing to do.
ps. i still wanna be your friend :/
i think i'm starting a new life.
from now on if i drink (which won't be very often) only light beer...and maybe an occasional shot if someone buys it for me
[cuzithinkit'sincrediblyrudetoturndownashotsomeoneboughtforyou]
and i'm gonna eat better.
and excercise. [running and yoga]
and try to be happier.
and by january i will start a new career (or a real one anyways)
and move to LA. and be a real grown-up in a job i love.
23 is too old to act as young as i do.
if that makes sense.
good thing about tomorrow?
kanye and 50.
i think kanye already won.
ps.
let's not forget ourselves,
good friends,
i am flawed if i'm not free.
and your husband will never leave you,
yeah he will never leave you.
for me.
current mood: optimistic
current music: cartel
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 5th, 2007
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10:02 pm - it'spainful when we realize our lives are intertwined
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why am i the bad person in this situation?
whatever.
i'm over turning 23. next it's 32. then 50. then my life is over.
it sucks.
but this weekend should be fun.
downtown fullerton on friday night.
dave n busters in irvine saturday night.
maybe he isn't so bad after all.
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Thursday, August 23rd, 2007
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8:30 am - you're just damage control for a walking corpse like me...like you.
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Saturday, August 18th, 2007
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12:05 am - just say goodbye...
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hah i feel like such a nerd for being all into davey havok's new band blaqk audio. hah but i like it...
sooo just when i think i'm having a good day, when i'm kinda in a good mood for no particular reason...even though i should be pmsing...i lock my keys in my car. so i was an hour late for work. it wasn't the worst day ever...but still.
so we had this sales contest...and my store ended up winning every round until we finally won #1 sales out of the whole region. this fri/sat we're against 8 other stores that were #1 for their region. if we win we get to go on a company-sponsored trip to pretty much wherever and then we compete for #1 in all of north america. we're sooooooo close. and we actually did pretty awesome today. i just hope tomorrow we do really good too. if we do win, the weekend we'd travel is my birthday weekend. so i'd still get to go somewhere pretty fun for my bday. it's actually a really cool opportunity. the company would pay for airfare, hotel, most of our meals. anddd we'd get paid for every day because we're technically working.
sooooo i think you guys should come buy glasses tomorrow. (saturday) we need it :) i totally bought a pair today just to help out.
current music: blaqk audioooo
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Saturday, August 11th, 2007
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1:43 am - i like the bartenderrrr...
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it's funny. one of my employees said today "it will be weird when you get to that age when all your friends are getting married".
i'm at that age.
every day it seems like someone i went to hs with or knew in college is engaged or married. it's not that big of a deal though cuz i'm not that close to them.
but today my first boyfriend ever got married. i'm not jealous at all or anything, i was 12 when we were bf/gf. he was my first kiss. awww. but we stayed super close friends ever since.
tomorrow is the reception for them.
it's so crazy.
and not like i'm necessarily ready to get married now, but it does make me wonder why i'm not at that point in my life. guess we'll see down the road what happens. why be sad about it if i'm not even ready for it?
just weird stages in life i guess.
current mood: my feet hurtttt
current music: t.pain.
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Monday, August 6th, 2007
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8:09 pm - what's it gonna be do you want me...
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Sunday, July 29th, 2007
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6:41 pm - so let's just say we give it up and walk away...
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nothing to salvage anyway
so last night was interesting.
it's the first time i've gone out in what seems like months.
i saw this guy that i have a little history with.
he has a gf now but of course i knew that from myspace.
i didn't really think he'd be there.
kinda made me a little happy to know that he had a gf and he was trying to be all over me.
of course i didn't do anything.
just took satisfaction in the idea that i still have it ;)
i decided to go to NY for my bday.
just hoping there isn't drama.
if you know of anywhere i just have to see when i'm there, let me know.
or amazing restaurants would be good too.
the store....things are better i suppose.
maybe some of the people i hired just aren't necessarily right for the job.
i just need to figure out ways to weed them out.
i'll figure it out.
hope you guys are well.
<3
current mood: calm
current music: imogen
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(comment on this)
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Monday, July 23rd, 2007
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10:26 pm - as long as i'm with you it doesn't matter what we do...
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sooooo...
i never post when i have a good day.
you guys probably think i'm some super depressed crazy person.
but i promise i'm not.
i just feel like writing when i am in one of those moods.
but today i thought it was a good enough day that i might as well post.
i made some great sales today. including a watch multiple that added up to almost $800. pretty rad considering my store just got watches like 2 days ago.
and overall i got so much done at work today.
i feel a little better, even though everything isn't better yet.
and on my traffic-free drive home (which is a miracle) i saw a saab with the license plate "AWESAAB" and it made me laugh.
then i came home and made some pasta with scallops and watched my tivo'd shows. including the soup. joel mchale is my new favorite person.
hope you had a good one too.
<3
current mood: okay
current music: iTunes on shuffle...
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Saturday, July 7th, 2007
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6:40 pm - no one callin on the phone, except for the pope maybe in rome...
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so maybe i have a sickness.
i like to make myself sad.
today has been pretty weird.
i've just been out of it.
they said that it's going to be $1400 to fix my car.
plus the rental car for 4 days so $160.
it's ridiculous.
on the way home today i heard that joan osborne song "what if God was one of us"
and i almost cried.
there's a part in it that says something like
"what would you ask if you had just one question?"
and the first thing that popped into my head was that i'd ask why he took my mom from me.
and it really killed me.
obviously i'm bitter about it.
i don't think about it every day (anymore)
but i still don't agree with whatever reason He had.
i don't think i'll ever fully recover from it.
and the ex. why do i still get sad about it?
i don't care for the most part, but then on those days when i least expect it...something pops up and i can't help but wonder why her? why not me?
not that i really think i could spend the rest of my life with him (although at some point in my life i did) things just make me wonder about it.
maybe if i had someone else i wouldn't wonder about him anymore.
so where is someone else?
current music: yeah yeah God is great..yeah yeah yeah
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lullabyofsirens's journal
not good.